Resistance to Change: Fear or Laziness?

There is a scene in the movie Waking Life where the main character is asked the question: “…Which is the most universal human characteristic; fear? Or laziness?”

This is a question that I have struggled with myself because often times we mistake one emotion for another. If “Sam” is the type of guy who has trouble asserting himself, he might confuse anger with depression. This false sense of depression allows him to avoid the fact that he is capable of feeling anger. This essentially allows him to stay in harmony with his self image as the nice guy. So it’s easy to see how it would be difficult to distinguish between fear and laziness.

Having had this question about fear and laziness in the back of my mind for a while now, I wasn’t too surprised when it came to the surface again this morning. I was reading a blog post by Steve Pavlina about what he calls “social drag.” Social drag basically explains the fact that people usually resist change in those with whom they are close to. This idea resonated with me, as I have experienced this first-hand with my close friends, where one day I woke up and realized that I was not vibrating at the same frequency as them anymore. So naturally, I was intrigued and was contemplating this notion of how sometimes people hold others back from changing.

Part of what makes up a person’s reality is how the people who surround that person think and act. So when this changes, naturally that person’s model of the reality is challenged. But why do we resist having our sense of reality being called into question? After all, wouldn’t we want a more accurate map of reality?

It seems to me that when someone claims they are trying to help you be realistic about life, they are in fact acting out an insecurity that’s rooted in their own identity; an identity into which they have invested much emotional and intellectual energy. This “realism” that they claim they are helping you with is simply a construction of what they think the world looks like. If they admit that their perception of reality is not as accurate, they also concede that a lot of the pain and suffering they have endured is actually their own responsibility, and not someone else’s; they have to accept that it was their decisions that caused them the suffering they have experienced in life. This is obviously a very hard thing to do. But does this sound like laziness or fear?

I created this blog over two months ago, and I have finally gotten around to publishing my first post. In those two months, I had been telling myself that I would post just as soon as I felt that I had enough things to post about. Soon afterward, I completely abandoned the idea and convinced myself that blogging just wasn’t right for me… before I had even made one post. Prior to this, I had created a blog about six months ago, that I promptly deleted the next day. I have had the idea of doing a blog for over two years ago. In retrospect, it is clear to me that I had been procrastinating because I was afraid of putting my ideas out into the world to be critiqued, and not because I was lazy. This sounds like something really silly to be afraid of, but the reality is that I could not take action on it so long as I misdiagnosed my inaction as laziness.

I think fear – and not laziness – is the more universal human characteristic. Because we are so heavily attached to our sense of self, we mask this fear with this idea of laziness. To even acknowledge that fear is preventing us from accepting change – internal or external – calls our identity into question. It takes courage to face this fear, because it points out exactly the areas of our lives that need improvement.

Now in my case, it was pretty easy for me to get over this fear of blogging once I saw it for what it was. But what about you? Are you procrastinating something? Like preparing for an exam? Or quitting your job and starting a business? Or getting out of a bad relationship? Ask yourself if you’re procrastination is the result of fear, and take time to answer it while watching your emotional reaction. Regardless of the magnitude of your situation, the only way out is if you take some action. It doesn’t matter if all you do is reach out and ask for help; or even accept the help that someone offers you. Often times, just doing that takes a lot of courage. And when the fear feels overwhelming, remember this:

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. ~Ambrose Redmoon

We never know for certain whether we will ultimately succeed or fail in any endeavor. What matters is the courage to take that first step. Don’t worry about stumbling; all that matters is that you have moved one step forward. Fear is the engine of growth, and all life comes down to just that. Why would you want to resist such a fundamental driving force of nature?