Communication

It is often said that if people really witnessed how much others misunderstand them, that they would be appalled. It seems like almost all human suffering has some root in this issue. Thus, it might help to try and understand this subject better.

The first obvious limitation is that the majority of languages are static. That is to say, they are not very conducive to the creation of new words and ideas. Although this is not the focus of this post, I should mention that there are languages that can be considered dynamic, where new words can be invented on a whim. One can be found among the Anishinaabemowin; a Native American tribe. For all practicality, however, we need to work within the framework of English and other major global languages. So this is one problem that will probably persist.

A second limitation is the communication of personal histories. To make this issue apparent, we must analyze how we understand words. Take the word “love” for example. To understand love, we have to first absorb the word, and then run it through a complex circuitry in our brain that involves either experiences of love or lack there-of, and we get an impression of what that word means. But to do this, we necessarily need to run it through a very subjective experience of the idea, which obviously leaves a lot of room for a different interpretation than someone else. Now it was easy enough to see the inherent problem with this example. I would put forth that this can be extrapolated – to varying degrees – over our entire lexicon. Hence it’s very easy to see that a conversation on a completely cerebral level is doomed to fail.

So it definitely seems that, although language has served us adequately thus far, that we really need a greater form of communication that can transfer more information, more rapidly and more accurately, from person to person. Like if we could somehow just upload all our impressions onto a server that would then transfer that directly to the other person.

Good news! We actually do have such a thing, and they are called emotions! When we learn to become fully present and conscious in a conversation, we start to sense a greater depth of meaning from what is being communicated to us. I am sure everyone has been in at least a couple instances where the speaker has accused the listener of not really listening. And then the listener responds immediately with exactly what was said just a few moments ago. Well, neither person is actually wrong here, as the person listening was probably only half listening; they were listening cerebrally, but not emotionally.

Given the limitations of language, how can we expect that we can understand how someone feels just by what the words they choose to try and communicate it? We’ve all heard this idea that 90% of all communication is non-verbal. But how many of us are actually paying proper attention to that 90%! When we become fully conscious of the present moment, our awareness is not limited only to the intellectual realm. Instead, we are able to hold a full spectrum of awareness that includes both intellectual and emotional realms, among other things.

Interestingly enough, if we were to run a thought experiment, and maximized this ability to sense another being’s feelings, we actually end up with the oft discredited psychic phenomena. I don’t consider myself to be psychic by any means, but I am starting to believe that it is in fact possible, and that it is probably the next step in the evolution of man, as it would allow for a form of communication that is much stronger than the current form of language. So far, this trait has obviously not been favored enough over other traits, but I am sure that in the future, the value of accurate communication of great depth will start to manifest itself with increasing strength.

So what’s the first step? Start paying more attention to the emotions behind words. This is much harder than it sounds, considering that it is so easy to deceive ourselves about how we feel; it shouldn’t be much of a surprise that almost all of us are not very good at sensing how others really feel.

Getting past judging others

No matter how accepting we are of others, there are going to be times when this will be tested. It’s easy to fall into the trap of judging the actions of others; especially in cases where the person was obviously acting with great malice.

But this should not be a problem for those who believe in reincarnation. Why? Because they really have no way of knowing that they didn’t commit the same acts in a previous lifetime. Hating the perpetrator would then translate to hating oneself. How can that be a sustainable perspective in the long run? It’s important not to judge others because that only hurts us in the end; it places us in a negative frame of mind, instead of allowing for the acceptance all that arises.

This doesn’t mean we should not feel passionately about that which arises. Rather, it means that we are in complete control of our feelings, while experiencing them at the same time. We feel the pain of the injustice that we witness, but we forgive the perpetrators of the injustice, as we recognize that they themselves are in the process of learning, much like the rest of us.

Every injustice that we witness is simply a test of our ability to forgive, without repressing our feelings. If we cannot forgive, we remain attached to some very negative emotions. And as with all attachment, that’s obviously not a good thing.

Cynicism versus Idealism

When these two words are mentioned, it is almost certain that most people will react positively to one, and negatively to the other.  This depends wholly on which word we identify ourselves more closely with at the moment.  I say at the moment because I am guessing most people oscillate between the two perspectives, depending on their life situation.

There are definitely negative traits attached to both words: cynicism for its disbelief in possibilities, and idealism for its often zealous belief in possibilities.  Interestingly enough, I have come to believe that both actually serve a purpose, and that we must aspire to hold both perspectives at once, to the best of our abilities.

It seems easy enough to see the positives of idealism; it is hard to create a better world if we do not strive for it and believe in the possibility of its manifestation.  The beauty of cynicism, however, is far more subtle.  Hidden within the belly of this second beast exists a healthy acknowledgment that indeed the world is as it is for a reason.  That if met with too much force and resistance in the form of idealism, it could potentially destroy the holder of the perspective.  But that’s not all though!  Cynicism, I think, holds an even more profound key to reality.  At an even more subtle level, it is actually an acknowledgment that other perspectives exist than our own.  That we are not the only people with “the answer.”  That is, it contains within itself a healthy respect for the perspectives held by others; and thus a healthy respect for the current reality that has manifested itself.

Sadly, what happens all too often is that we misuse these perspectives, and hence we see all the negative traits of both the cynic and the idealist. Why do these negative traits surface?  My guess is that it is rooted in attachment.  Because we identify ourselves with our position along the cynic/idealist spectrum, we start to resist the natural urges to move back and forth along it.

The negatives of idealist surface when the individual is attached to his belief of future possibilities.  The negatives of the cynic surface when the individual is attached to his belief of present conditions.  When attachment sets in, the perspectives start to take on a very static quality.  The universe, however, is non-constant by nature.  To repeat an old cliche, the only thing that stays the same is change itself.

Thus, it is the job of the idealist within us not to get attached to a vision as an end, but rather see it as something that nourishes us to strive for something and grow.  And it is the job of the cynic within us not to get attached to current limitations, but to acknowledge that ours is but one perspective of a countless billions, and to honor the current reality that those perspectives (including our own!) have manifested collectively.

When properly united, we stop resisting both change and the perceived lack of it.  Instead, we start to flow with the intentions of the universe, knowing that ours is but a small fragment of that whole… equally important as the rest, as we collectively create our reality.